Supporting children through a healthcare crisis

When a family faces a major crisis – like a serious illness or disability – it can feel overwhelming. This article suggests a helpful way to support children by combining structure with genuine presence. The key is recognising that “there’s no manual” for these situations but focusing on creating small moments of connection and safety.

Structure offers reassurance yet presence is equally important. Ultimately, the goal isn’t to erase the difficulty but to build a strong family narrative rooted in care, adaptability and connection. By blending routine with openness, families can navigate these storms together, fostering a sense of safety and resilience in even the most challenging moments.

The power of structure and presence

Parenting through a crisis may feel like fumbling in the dark. When it feels like a family’s world has been turned upside down, it may help to continue with some structure but still allow for spontaneity. Daily routines help to create stability and calm, whereas being open to the unexpected questions, upsets or moments of creativity help to create connection. Both pre-planning and in-the-moment presence are important. When families walk through a storm together, resilience is built from drawing upon the strengths of routine and responsiveness.

The storm

Being a health professional, I’ve been privileged enough to walk with many people as their healthcare journey unfolded. One minute they were heading in one direction as a family; and the next minute, a new diagnosis or disability changed their whole future. I have seen so many faces filled with shock and sadness; hearing news that they didn’t want to be true. Surely, this isn’t happening. Please. This can’t be happening. 

This is ‘the storm’. And, we all have storms waiting for us. 

So, how do we face these unbelievable moments as families, especially with young children? How do we walk through the storm together?

Structure: Emotional routines as lifelines

There is a wealth of research around family resilience (Walsh, 2021), however I’d like to talk about a simple idea. That keep achievable, daily routines as a family are organising and calming for children, especially during a crisis. 

When our daughter was diagnosed with a rare and terminal brain tumour, we struggled, grieved, stumbled our way through. One of the things that helped was at the end of every day, we read books together, did a reflection and check-in, and shared a prayer together. We encouraged our kids to be honest about whatever was on their minds that day, to listen to each other, and to draw together on our family beliefs. Huddled in together, we daily made sense of a senseless situation.  

That structured ritual aligns with the principles of social and emotional learning (SEL)(Al-Hroub & Al-Hroub, 2024). SEL programmes are rooted in predictable, supportive interactions to help children build emotional regulation, empathy and resilience.

In practical terms, a nightly routine like shared reading and a simple check-in can serve three purposes:

• Signal safety: The predictability of the routine offers reassurance in chaos.
• Model emotional sharing: When children hear parents reflect openly, they learn it is acceptable to voice feelings, even fear or confusion.
• Strengthen attachment: Togetherness reinforces that “we are in this storm as a family.”
• Shared narrative: Having a shared family narrative about how health care journeys make sense gives coherence even in doubt and sadness.

These kinds of structured, intentional moments are do not need to be formal. They are not supposed to be elaborate lessons; just heartfelt discussions that help children feel seen and understood.

Presence: Embracing unscripted moments

Not every meaningful dialogue fits into a routine. Sometimes, it surfaces out of nowhere. It may be questions about the why of suffering, or about what happens after death. It may be wonderings about pain and disability, joy and hope. In our situation, one minute I would be preparing meals; the next, I would be navigating profound grief questions. Often, these profound moments came unexpectedly. 

Research confirms this is normal and powerful.

Parents often anticipate or avoid these conversations, but many end up happening spontaneously. Research shows that parental openness, whether folding cultural, religious or existential ideas into the conversation, aims to support a child’s meaning-making and emotional safety (Su-Russell, Russell, Ermer, Greiner, & Gregory, 2024).

Practically, this may look like:

• Acknowledging their curiosity: “That is a really good question. What do you think?”
• Creating space with empathy: “It can feel scary or confusing to think about that.”
• Exploring family beliefs: “This is how we make sense of events like this…”

By tuning in to those unplanned moments, we practised a deeper presence shaped by empathy more than fear.

Navigating death and meaning

When the crisis touches mortality directly, such as loss of a loved one or general existential fears, structured support becomes especially important (Schonfeld et al., 2024). This may include:

• Providing clear and developmentally appropriate information.
• Normalising grief responses: “It is okay to feel angry, confused or sad.”
• Inviting memory making activities.

Nobody has the perfect solutions. All anyone can provide to their family is honesty, empathy and space. Crisis is not something we can wish away; it is something we walk through together.

Coping does not mean perfection: Fumbling is normal

You have probably heard it: “There is no manual for this.” And there is not. But structuring comfort, leaning into spontaneous presence and engaging in play all align with evidence-based support frameworks. It’s not about making everything all better again. It’s about creating small moments of connection and presence.

Takeaway for families

• Build daily rituals: Read, ask about feelings, share highlights or worries, and if appropriate for your family, pray or meditate together.
• Stay open to surprise conversations: Whether it is about death, fear or fairness – listen, reflect, validate.
• Talk about anticipatory grief and grief carefully: Use simple, honest language and make space for creative expression.

Explore sources of strength: Co-create a family narrative of care, adaptability and connection.

By blending structure with spontaneity, families can build a meaningful road together during the storm of a crisis. Research backs it up: children thrive when they feel seen, safe and heard. Every family’s storm will look different, but with regular rituals and welcoming presence, you are already creating a way through. Stay with it. You are doing better than you think, and growth lives in those imperfect, present moments.

Explore my book, The Suffering of a Child, and read more of my resources.

References:

Al-Hroub, A., & Al-Hroub, R. (2024). Empowering the vulnerable: The impact of SEL on traumatized children’s academic and social outcomes in crises. Current Psychiatry Reports, 26(12), 777-781. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-024-01555-8

Schonfeld, D., Demaria, T., Nasir, A., Kumar, S., Nasir, A., Berger-Jenkins, E., Johnson, T. Dworkin, P., Davis, B., Sriraman, N., Schlesinger, A., Stancin, T., Fraser, H., Davis, K., DeBattista, A., Warczak, Z., Wheatley, R., Krug, S., Chung, S., Baum, C., Chatham-Stephens, K., Dahl-Grove, D., Davies, H., Dziuban, E., Gill, N., Godfred-Cato, S., Griese, S.,  aziny, B., Needle, S., Schonfeld, D., Simpson, J., Glasstetter, E. (2024). Supporting the Grieving Child and Family: Clinical Report. Pediatrics (Evanston), 154(1), 1. doi:10.1542/peds.2024-067212

Su-Russell, C., Russell, L., Ermer, A., Greiner, C., & Gregory, R. (2024). Parents’ anticipated discussions about death with young children. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 88(3), 1181-1202. doi:10.1177/00302228211057735Walsh, F. (2021). Family resilience: A dynamic systemic framework. In M. Ungar (Ed.), Multisystemic Resilience: Adaptation and Transformation in Contexts of Change (pp. 255-270): Oxford Scholarship Online.